I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
