I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
