I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
