You smell like a Billy Joel song
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Maybe he injected his testicle?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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