I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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