Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
