And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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