Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
