I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
