Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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