Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
