Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
