just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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