meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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