So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
