he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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