Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
