You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize