Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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