i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
