trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
