What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
