dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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