so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
