just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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