Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
