Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
