Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
