he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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