I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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