Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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