My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
