Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
