Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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