Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
