I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
