I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
