its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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