and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
