I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
