just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
