Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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