You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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