That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
