That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
