shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Randomize
