I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
