I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She even gives head with a lisp.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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