I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
