I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In America we eat man semen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
