Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
