I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
