you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
