Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
