we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
