I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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