i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
