the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He literally asked permission to hit on me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
