it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
