I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
