my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
