Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
ok first of all what the fuck
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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