I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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